broke idiot jesus

shittywebcomics:

Understanding Dobson

- By ScottMcOddguy

“The Shitty Webcomics Tumblr”

A cautionary tale by Dick Jarvis

The year is 2014

A grim future, where making fun of Andrew Dobson elicits more pity than Andrew Dobson himself.

We turned a bad artist on the internet into a joke, then turned that joke into memes, then we beat those memes to death until he quit, and then we just kept on doing it and doing it until the point of it was forgotten.

A lone figure can be seen walking out on a crumbling precipice, made up of a material that appears to consist of “So You Want to be a Cartoonist” parodies. The landscape before them once housed a thriving civilization, but their kind has long since abandoned this place. This figure is The Author of the Shitty Webcomics Tumblr.

Long have they done battle with Andrew Dobson and his ilk. But Andrew Dobson has left this place of ridicule. The audience has dissipated. The Author finds themselves alone, and with no more foes, fears the gates of Hel have closed behind them.

“Andrew Dobson Sucks!” the author of the shitty webcomics tumblr shouts into the abyss, sweating and laughing nervously, hoping, praying, begging that enough people out there still find it funny enough to defend them from critisizm. 

“ANDREW DOBSON SUCKS!” can be seen as text, physically leaving their gaping maw, out into the dark reaches of space, where it bumps into a Rage Face comic and a youtube video featuring somebody spoiling the plot of the second last harry potter book. Gremlins crawl out from behind it, pock marked and unkempt, the type of wretch who would find this sort of material attractive.

Hunched, they swarm the Shitty Webcomic Tumblr. If it were 2009, or even 2011 The Author would have shunned such creatures. But desperation can be seen spreading across their face. They have a need, a thirst they must quench.

As the creatures approach, unsure and skittish, the Shitty Webcomics Author kneels down to greet and reassure them. “You think I’m funny, don’t you?” they ask, extending a comic with Andrew Dobson’s caricature pasted onto it. The closest and bravest of the swarms inspects it, sniffing it and eyeing The Author nervously, until finally devouring it like a Cheeto and skittering back to it’s kin.

The Author is met with instant warmth from the horde as they gather around to feast on these ancient treats. The Author turns, shouting to the future, to the ones that left them behind “SEE!? DO YOU SEE!? IT’S STILL FUNNY!! YOU HAVE ABANDONED ME, BUT I WILL SHOW YOU, IT’S STILL A THING!”

The swarms backs them and as they prepare to inflict themselves on the world, The Author charges forth to ruin the creations of the future and bring them low. But surely there might be some vigilant hero, willing to create an entire fucking blog to combat this stain where a person once stood, just as The Author competed with the Shitty Webcomics and Andrew Dobsons of the world.

And when that battle is over, and this new hero is left to dwell on the trivial, there will be someone to pick them apart.

And someone new after that.

And after that.

Again and again.

Temporary is the condition of all things. Memory has a master named Time, and Time is especially cruel to internet drama.

THE END

*drops the fucking mic*

(via kaymonstar)